Fired from my job, having two break-ups in six months and having no friends able to support me got me figuring. I figured that I had relationships but no emotional connection. I figured that I had not learned to have vulnerable conversations when I was young. I used to be an absolute jerk at managing conflict. Plus I was mostly busy being proud, arrogant and anxious. As an emotionally neglected child I hid myself in false identities and beliefs. Beliefs about myself and the planet.
I overestimated myself and put others on pedestals. What happened was that others, of course, because they are human, fell off the pedestal. When I noticed their imperfections I got disappointed. I would proof myself right that it was about them again. That they were not good enough for me and that I was too good to hang around with them. Where was this coming from? I asked myself.
The core issue was my lack of self-knowledge and self-appreciation. I was brought up by a mother who could not appreciate herself. I was brought up by a father who was emotionally unavailable and practically absent. You can easily figure that is not a baseline for developing strong emotional skills. I used to suck at understanding other’s people’s emotions and my own. For that reason my relationships sucked. Can u relate? BUT .. you guessed it.. I went through the struggle and came out on the other side.
Joyous, confident and feeling safe in my own skin.